The Key to Growth is to Focus, not Foe-cus

When R Madhavan, in the famous Indian movie called '3 Idiots' said - "It hurts when friends fail but if a friend comes first, it hurts more", we all laughed. But what the movie did not expect to do is hold up a mirror to something we all secretly feel. Yes. All of us. Even the most self-driven person would have felt this way atleast once. Because its a trap we cannot escape. Unless we decidedly act upon escaping and banishing it for good. And also unless you read my blog XD (pun intended maybe?)

Before we delve into today's blogpost - I want to make sure all of us grasp the gravity of the title (because it did take some serious creative powerplay to come up with it XD). By the end of this post, I want it to ingrain in you the essence and importance of just focusing on your own journey. On your own story, on your own life. Because the moment you start 'foe-cusing' (i.e., to focus on your foes (your enemies but lets just tone down the hate and say - peers)), you will derail the wagon of your own progress.

We are so stimulated by what the world around us is doing that we almost forget where we ourselves are heading. And I am not afraid to say - I am writing this from my personal experience. The age range that I am in - this thought to 'make it big early' is too bothersome I must admit. And it's a thought that sticks. Readers my age would agree that we wake up with this thought, eat food with this thought, step out and act natural whilst being troubled by this thought, and we go to sleep with this thought. I'm not even going to call it wild if anyone has dreams also about these same thoughts. It's difficult I agree. Not making it big - that we will someday for sure. What is difficult is getting rid of this thought. But hey, we can atleast try right? So let's do just that.

In this era of going digital, we have made social media the rulebook of success. We see people achieving something and we instantly question - why them? and even though we refute it by saying - it helps me think 'why not me'?, we definitely are still thinking 'why them?'. Its not our fault, its human nature. We are born with the seed of jealousy but as we grow up we must understand, that seed is better uprooted rather than nurtured.

We are so invested in someone else's story that we end up becoming the side character in our own. The hard truth is that - when someone says - Don't compare yourself with someone else, you must your own competitor - that advice is reduced to just hearsay but not something we actually think about and implement. Its natural to compare ourself with our peers but it backtracks us (even though we hide under the refuge of - 'it helps me get better by knowing that I have to achieve a bigger milestone that what he/she did'). Well we can refuse to face it only for so long but that yields nothing. Its better to embrace it than escape it.

Now that we are pretty clear with what the problem is and we should not do, let's talk about what we can and should do to stop foe-cusing.

• Step 1 - Face the mirror. Accept where we stand. Accept our strengths and more importantly accept our weaknesses. Because no athlete in the world can estimate how soon he/she can reach the finish line without knowing where the start line is. So step 1 is to deeply self-reflect. To such an extent that we start criticizing ourselves. Only then will we uncover our true current standing.

• Step 2 - After almost bringing ourselves to tears with all the self-criticism (well wipe them if you actually tear up so that it doesn't blot the plan you're putting together! Just kidding), its time to shoot the shot? Hold your horses - not yet. Step 2 is to envision where we want to reach and let's be realistic here alright? Don't think of the final destination. Think of the first juncture we must reach to get closer to the pinnacle. Write it down - what does your first leap look like? And what is the timeframe you are giving yourself to tick it off the plan? And what do you need to equip yourself with to get there. It is that simple - understand the 'where', 'when' and 'how'.

• Step 3 - If your aware of the 5Ws and 1H rule, then you will think - why is she leaving out the 'what', 'who' and 'why'. Relax, I'm not. Step 3 is all about the pause before the pursuit. It is now that we analyse - why am I doing this? Why do I want to reach the pinnacle? Even though these are steps that apply to all, this step especially is something personal. Because your purpose should be yours. Your 'why' should resonate with you and not with someone else's expectations of you. When you dwell upon your 'why' - make sure it stems from you. Let your 'why' be because you see potential in yourself to be the biggest baddest fish in the sea. Or maybe because you want to breach your own limits every single day. But what your 'why' strictly cannot be is - I want to do this because I want to prove myself to others, because my parents want me to, or because I have to surpass my competitors. If your 'why' sounds like the examples I just gave, stop. You are not ready for step 4 yet. Remember - there is no rush. Do not proceed until you get step 3 right. Please, its an earnest request.

• Step 4 - First off, have you got your step 3 right? ONLY if yes, read ahead. Now this is one last step of contemplation before the leap. Its about analysing - 'what' is going to be the outcome of all this? And 'who' am I doing this for. Typically, these questions are raised before we decide the where, when and how. But the reason I am structuring this so further below in the plan is because - when we feel the urge to do something - its better to encapsulate that energy into a solid plan. Its better to trap that energy and begin to channelize it. But once that is done - asking yourself the 'what' and 'who' before you kickstart, serves as a reminder that will guide you throughout the journey. Think - what am I planning to achieve? And who am I doing it for? Questioning yourself on these fronts will help you position your focus right where it has to be - on you. On YOUR plans, YOUR goals, YOUR dreams, YOUR ambition, YOUR stature and YOUR happiness.

• Step 5 - This is simple, because you have already done the hard part. Step 5 is just about starting. Its about slowly yet steadily treading towards the desired path. Nothing else needs to be done here. You just have to be consistent and confident. Just keep going until you strike the first coin of the domino. And then one by one, all the coins in the stack will start tumbling - getting you closer and closer to the last coin.

Easy right? Its fine - you can be honest and even I will be - this is way simpler when just spoken about. But unless we try to implement it, we are not getting anywhere anyway. So why not do it?

What's the worst that can happen? Actually nothing. I did think about whether this could go wrong in any way and the truth is - it cannot. Not because these steps are perfect and fail-safe. But because this journey screams 'self-development'. And guess what - there is no competition and hence no stress and no shame in failing! Its your story. Only you and your conscience are a part of this. And when you make peace with that - you won't regard these steps as stages. Rather, it will all assimilate smoothly into one narrative of growth. Your narrative of growth.

And the most important step - you've gotta focus amigos, not foe-cus. Just focus. All the best.