Be Vocal for Yourself

What do you do when you’re relishing an amazing buffet spread at some lavish hotel and you’re about to pick that delectable brownie fudge right there and oops! someone else gets their hands over them? What would you do? I would definitely ask the chef to give me a piece or two. I think all of us would do that, unless any crackpot would want to miss out by staying silent. Let me give another example. Imagine you’ve just laid eyes on your dream outfit. It’s right there, on the hanger. Yet a size that fits you isn’t on the rack. What would you do? I would ask the executive to find me my size from the storage room. I’m sure all of us would do that. So my point is, when we are so comfortable about speaking up for ourselves in such matters, why do we hesitate to express our agreement or disagreement if we are uncomfortable with anything else?

Our biggest strength as humans is being able to speak, to express, to make ourselves heard, to voice out our opinion without hesitation. This potential of ours is so untapped and it doesn’t do good if we do not speak up.

I am a college going student. Everyday I face so many situations where I feel the need to speak up unless I want to be pushed into something I do not like. Even from the simplest situation of choosing my team for my group assignment to deciding where and how I want to spend my free hour, I always choose to be vocal about what I want so that I don’t end up in any undesirable state which will further create unnecessary misunderstandings.

Talking from a general perspective, many-a-times, we shy away from speaking what we have in mind. We get stuck in an environment where we might find it difficult to speak our mind. That’s alright, though only for some time.

You might face scenarios where people might just convince you into agreeing for something. Do not allow that. Have a clear idea about what you want to do and whom you want to associate with. Saying no is completely fine and understanding this will help you a lot.

Let me make a list of Do’s and Don’ts to make this simpler.

Do’s:-

1. Ask for what you want. You may or may not get it but at least an attempt will spare you the regret of not asking.

2. Do things your way. Your originality is your identity. Do not let other’s thoughts and opinions affect that.

3. Follow up. If you expected some news related to you to reach you but has not yet, ask the concerned people. No harm. You are doing it for someone you have all rights over- you.

Don’ts:-

1. Do not wait for someone to do your work for you. Only you know what you want and what’s best for you. Do not expect others to keep a tab on your work for you. The world doesn’t work like that.

2. When I say speak up for yourself, I don’t mean be harsh to others. Convey what you want to, but in a respectable and calm manner. Saying no doesn’t mean you have to be harsh. Being polite and mindful of the consequences is equally important.

3. Do not speak unnecessarily. Speech is a tool which must be used very carefully and proportionately. If you want your words to be valued, wait for your turn patiently and speak only what is relevant. To prove your point, you do not need to speak loudly or in big paragraphs.

In my favorite book, ‘Harry Potter’, Dumbledore said- ‘Help will always be provided to those who ask for it’. This sentence has yielded so much learning for me. It just shows that only you can help yourself. Only you know which paths you can tread alone and which you require help for. Ask for help from others. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Ask, understand and implement but never depend. Asking support is totally fine, but pressurizing them to do your work is not fair on your part.

Coming back to saying ‘No’, there is a lot of gray area in here. To make my point, let me share few instances where you should say No and where you shouldn’t.

If the issue in question is contradicting your beliefs, is indirectly forcing you to do something you disapprove of, is underlined by peer pressure, might put you in trouble or might make you rethink about why you agreed, say No. Let me state a very personal example. I am not comfortable sharing any of my projects with any of my friends, however close they are to me. Any work I have created on my own and my efforts have gone into it, I do not share it. When people asked me to share my notes, I refused politely.I agreed to extend any help from my side and clarify as many doubts anyone had. I have done this many times. And without any shame, hesitation or regret. I find it completely okay to refuse.

Well there are certain situations where you cannot refuse easily. If you are involved in any group activity, it is your duty to listen to everyone and then arrive at a decision collectively. You cannot just dump your opinions on someone else and expect them to oblige. In such situations, it is alright to disagree, but not to refuse outright. Listen patiently and take a decision.

So all of this is about striking a balance between speaking at the right time, at the right place, in the right proportion, in the right tone and the right temper. Screaming isn’t ideal, nor is staying silent. Speak, but with caution and etiquette.

Hence the main message of this blog is that speech is a very powerful weapon and when used rightly can help you eliminate unnecessary complications. Be vocal for yourself and depend only on yourself for that. Unless you ask, you won’t get. Unless you speak, they won’t understand. Unless you say no, they will assume it as a yes. Unless you listen, you won’t be heard.

So I hope I’ve laid out the message in a loud and clear way. Speak and listen properly with purpose. That’ll drive away helplessness and acquaint you with satisfaction. The day you learn to speak for yourself, that day do pat your back and tell yourself- My journey, scripted by me begins now!

Thank you and have a good day!